Innocent and Evil

My family is currently beginning a trial in only which God can guide. I cannot get into details until all is done but we will say it is one that will test us all. I know all we can do is pray that the innocent will be justified and the evil will disappear from this place. I choose to blog to be able o get my feelings out and this is one that I can only talk about in ridles and rythms for awhile. I just ask that everyone keep my family in your prayers and ask God to keep the innocent where they belong and erase the evil from this place.......

New family memebers..

So much has happened in the past week or so. A new member of our family has moved in and I thought I was going to be kicking her OUT! My husband and some fellow firefighters rescued a puppy out by the training center. Guess who brought her home as a "Suprise" for me and Colt? Yep, my wonderful and thoughtful husband. WOW! I thought I was a dog lover and I do prefer them over cats by far! But having one in the house is a total different story. However she had already been fixed and house trained so that was a BIG plus sign to keep her. I wouldn't have to do any work. Needless to say Colt had fallen head over heels in love with this puppy he has named "Katie". Katie and I had a rough beginning, me constantly threating to kick her butt out. But right now it seems to be working out, she seems to be learning from us.

Now on to the other member who hasn'tmade his arrival yet. I am getting excited abouthim getting here, I really can't wait. Today I went to see Dr. Little for our 29 week check up. Everything checked out and Brusier ( I nicknamed him that recently) seems to be right on schedule. I talked to Dr. Little and we decided today we could set up the c-section. I have been penciled in for December 29th with Dr. Harrison. I go back on November 5th to see Dr.Harrison and to get my surgery schedule. I am getting a little nervous about the surgery part for me, as i can't remember a great deal of Colt's birth. Dr. Little told me not to worry about it and I realize he is right and I need to give my worries over to God.

Unwelcomed Guest.....

I may be just being an impossible person, I don't know. My husband came home the other day with a "suprise" for me and our son. Needless to say I was not happy with the "suprise" once I looked at it. His Chief found a "mutt" walking on the side of a fairly deserted road and put her in his vehicle. Here are three firemen saying "I can take her to my house....." and my husband saying "I can't believe you are putting this stinking (literally) dog in the firetruck. Yeah guess who comes home with her? I told him no when they got here, really I mean think about it. Here I am staying home with Colt (31/2 yrs old), pregnant and due in 10 weeks and now I have a "dog" to look after too-oh joy...
Since we "adopted" the mutt (part Lab, Pit Bull and Cocker Spaniel) three days ago I feel like my sanity is disappearing. "Katie" is 6-9 months old and she is house trained, she also is fixed too. So what am I camplaining about right? I am NOT a dog person, I like dogs but I don't think Iwant one. But my son has already fallen in love with her and he does need one. But the timing is way wrong and I was not prepared for this. A pet is a HUGE decision and needs to be made by the person who will end up being responsible for the pet i.e. ME!
I just pray to God that I can deal with this and be okay for my son's sake. I don't know though, I have already blown up at Colt and he didn'tdeserve it the way it came out.

Blessed beyond what I deserve....

Today was a wonderful day! I have always known I was blessed but I there are times I forget how great my life is because of Him. I have a wonderful husband who is better to me than I deserve, even though he can also be the biggest PAIN in my REAREND!! But love him I do, with my whole heart. I believe that God sent him to me when He did because He knew I needed the strength. The year Payton and I met was not a good year for my family, we had suffered a loss of a small member of our family. But meeting him helped me to realize that life must go on, even during grief. I feel like he made me smile again, like he brought laughter back into my life. I have loved him from the first time I met him-he is the Prince Charming in my own fairy tale.

I am blessed to have not just one son but two. I have been through two miscarriages and was so hurt for the loss of them. But at the same time, had I not known the loss of those children I would never know Colt or this little one. I am blessed to even be able to have children, for I am one of the lucky ones. It doesn't matter that after Colt was born the doctor told us we should NEVER have been able to have kids-I did, twice. For some reason, out of ALL the women aho want children but cannot have them on their own, God saw fit to bless me with a healthy son and now another baby boy. You will hear me joke of having two boys that are just alike and how crazy I must be, but it is all in fun. I absolutely love it!! I love being a "Mommy"! There is nothing in this world like it.....

Thank you Lord for all that you have given me, dispite the person I am and the sins I commit. I know I do not deserve anything that I have, but I will try my best not to let You down. I will try my best to teach my boys Your word, I pray that they grow up to be good, caring Christian men of God.

Today was a great day! At my son's preschool they had "Grandparents Day", which was a picnic lunch in the Fellowship Hall. I was supposed to be a helper but when I dropped my son off I was told that I didn't need to come back. Well, I'd already told my son that I would be back to help. So you know I went back even though I didn't have to. I am sure all you moms will understand that my son is my world. My everyday pretty much revolves around him. I do not like to disappoint my little guy.
Afterward he and I went to visit daddy at the fire station. Colt LOVES to visit the fire station and get into the trucks and see the other firefighters. Well, my husband recently got switched to a different station and our son doesn't understand that yet. The Chief was there visiting and Colt talked him into going with him into the bay area to look at the trucks. This Chief is one that would give him candy when we visited downtown. Colt kept asking him if he had any candy and Chief had to keep telling him that no he didn't it was at his other office. My son can be very inquisitive once started. Poor Chief didn't get to leave for awhile, my 31/2 year old kept asking questions about the trucks. Needless to say I have a future firefighter on my hands. The other day I told him I didn't want him to grow up. He looked at me hurt and said "But I want to be a firefighter like daddy". What could I say?
But that was the gist of our day, doesn't sound like much but believe me it was. I love my son and I am so blessed to have my miracle boy!

Swine Flu @ school

Tonight I found out one of my son's classmates was diagnosed today with Strep and the Swine Flu. How do I feel about that? I am balancing on a thin wire, part of me is absolutly terrified and the other isn't too worried. I know it is a serious strain of the flu, but the flu changes every year anyway, right? The normal flu we know about kills thousands yearly and puts them in the hospital. So really what is right, to freak out and keep my son out of school? No, he was already around this child last week-would it really make a difference? So I will pray that my son stays healthy and doesn't get the flu, if he does I will worry about it then. It is all in God's hands...

Walking into school alone..

Okay I am a few weeks behind on this post but I believe I can write it now without bursting into tears.

My 3 year old is old enough to be dropped off into the mornings, don't know how I really feel about that. I was going to walk him in and put off the drop off as long as I could. Well God had other plans and had decided it was time to let go. As I was asking Colt if he wanted to walk in or have mommy walk with him the bottom dropped out. That made the decision for us because, believe it or not, my umbrella was in the house not the car. He did good, no tears from my brave little man. The ladies got him out and he walked in with barely a look back, I looked back a lot! The tears didn't begin till I was pulling out of the parking lot and then I couldn't stop them.

No one was here at home when I got back so the tears continued to fall. I sat down looking at photos of my son when he was a baby. Thought about all the times I missed and the ones I was around for. I realized that no matter what, I cannot keep my son from growing up. He has grown up from that baby that was dependant on me to care for him to a little man who "can do it himself".

Even with the new baby coming, I miss my baby. The one who was born 3 years and 7 months ago. He still loves mommy to hold him and love him. Only mommy can make the boo-boos better, only mommy can be the one to sing to him at bedtime. I love that when we wake up of a morning he wants to sit on mommy and have "cuddle time". He tells everyone that he takes care of his mommy when daddy isn't home.

I am just having a hard time letting my baby grow, soon he will be going to Pre-school. Where does the time go?